What It Feels To Be You
by Tiberias
Summary: BeexSam fanfiction It's not quite simple to learn that you love someone let's not talk if this someone is your car and an alien robot during long summer nights Sam will learn who he truly loves.


Disclaimers - **All characters are over 18.**   
Transformers aren't mine.  
Thanks - to my wonderful beta that helped me **EnglishEnigma**.

Sam was slowly licking some melted, creamy ice cream off his fingers. It was a sticky and humid summery afternoon day ... and a little fly was driving him crazy continually whirring around two slices of pineapple half covered with a plastic dish.

He sighed while still eating his ice cream that was rapidly melting. For a long moment he stared down at the creamy content then, grunting, he hastily opened the freezer grabbing a few ice cubes.

"This is much better!" he sighed delighted while pushing one cube into his mouth. He was sweating and in search of something that could ease the extreme heat.

Lazily he leaned against the half open glass door to see what Bee was doing ... and ... and there he was standing wearing only a pair of much too worn, low rise jeans while looking intently at something that Sam could only think to be a PDA mobile, his antennae were almost undetectabley moving while scanning the whole neighbourhood for something going on ... for his own safety ... or maybe, Sam thought, he was simply listening to some music as was usual.

Sam grabbed a bunch of ice cubes and headed outside ... cicadas welcoming him as soon as he stepped his naked foot outside. Bee had his back to him and Sam found himself staring at the perfect definition of his muscles ... but ... but above all he found himself intrigued by his shoulder blades ... obviously Bee was playing with that damn thing as they were moving slightly with each key that Bee was pushing ... and Sam silently gasped when a little quick image flashed and burned his brain ... he could just see his hands gripping those shoulder blades hard... sweaty shoulder blades, as he was lying under Bee ... under him and he was ... he was just ... oh fuck!

Sam felt a cold drop of water hit his foot and he stared down at the melting ice cubes that were hiding inside his almost closed fist. He picked one of them and started to suck it while approaching his yellow car.

Bee had been living with him for three months by now... since the end of the war, since Bee's request to stay with the ... the boy ... eheh, this still made him laugh, the boy! By the way, Sam didn't expect that Bee was even able to interface with humans by transforming himself into a hologram or much better into a being similar to them, to what you could call a human ... but there he was standing in all his glory while taken up in playing with that freaking hi - tech toy and Sam felt another rivulet of cold water slide along his wrist, then fall down.

He was glad that Bee could even use this hologram technology of his because ... because there were so many things that they could do together and it was simpler to talk with someone that was like him ... he wasn't saying that he didn't liked his car form or his robot form but ... but he just thought that it was more simple to have Bee as a human than as a robot, surely you couldn't ask a robot to come with you to the cinema.

But for Sam there was more, there was something more ... yes, he liked to have Bee with him wherever he wanted to go, but above all, for Sam, it was hope ... it was, yes, hope for more ... a wish to have more ... it was silly and stupid he had often thought during his too many insomniac nights when he had spent hours and hours wishing that his car would just sleep beside him, would hug him ... would ... would do something more with him ... and fuck! Yes, fuck, it wasn't so simple and funny to discover when Sam found himself jacking off for the first time after Bee had forgotten his yellow jacket in his room ... no, no, it wasn't simple and rational to explain the way he started to breathe in that thick, leather smelling jacket while his brain was yelling at him to stop ... while tiny and dark voices where insinuating deep and moist desires ... needs and wants that he couldn't make stop their whispering, that he didn't want to stop ... and it was like a rush, like something that the day after you won't remember because it was too strong and so unexpected ... yes, unexpected the way his fingers pulled down his sweatpants, the way his fingers found his cock, the way his brain was only a fog of pure heat and desire, the way he pumped himself merciless while drowning in that leather jacket, into that little thought to have ... to have and not to have at the same time, to want and to deny and, yes ... yes, it was a macabre dance that blinded him and dragged him down toward an intense orgasm that left him breathless, that painted on his red, puffy lips only a name ... Bee, the name of his robot, his car ... the name of his guardian ... and, fuck, if it wasn't intense!

His hands were still wrapped hard around that leather jacket, his breath was fast and harsh and he was feeling burned, lost and found at the same time ... it was like he had opened his eyes, he had seen and understood that inside himself there was more ... so much more, and he was craving ... he was starving for more, he wanted more ... it was like salt water leaving him thirsty ... and he wanted more ... but at the same time he just didn't want to cross that path, that tiny line, and ask for more ... ask and see what Bee would reply ... Bee, who was an alien, who was something unknown and uncatchable for Sam ... for the humanity, he was a machine, he was something more, the next, the best, the stranger that Sam craved to know more, to comprehend entirely ... and divine would be to have him as a lover, he craved for his attention, for his presence, it was a ravenous desire of his that he didn't know how to satisfy ... still didn't dare to ask for.

Bee who was so distant from his own culture but at the same time so near as he quickly learned what he could about his planet and the people that lived on it ... he was an incredible and unlimited source of stories and notions. Often Sam would just sit and listen for hours about Bee's past life on his destroyed planet ... because everything was precious to Sam, because he wanted to know more, to catch the uncatchable, to understand and learn what Bee was more or less ... could be like him, that Bee could fit perfectly into his tiny and anonymous life ... but Bee, for Sam, could be the fucking little lost piece of something broken that he was searching for since puberty hit and thousand of questions and strange feelings decided to overload his brain and existence ... Bee could be ... could be so many things for Sam.

And so ... so Sam, after so many fights with himself, learned that he was in love with Bee, with his car, with an alien or whatever name you wanted to give to him ... he learned that even if he wanted so much to avoid the fact that he shouldn't masturbate and orgasm with Bee's name and image filling his mind ... for him it was impossible to escape and in the little space of his bedroom he found a new artificial paradise where he would hide himself and get lost ... slip into his slippery desire and drown ... drown in a pleasure mixed with sorrow because there was no afterglow ... there was no one real standing near him ... only his hand and his erotic fantasies that would keep him company ... that would keep him awake ... and ... and he knew that he was owned, that if Bee would be a crowned king up there on his throne he wondered if he would be so wise to let him escape ... to let him go ... but maybe he didn't want to go anywhere ... he just wanted to get his attention and not only because Bee was his guardian.

Bee's antennae bristled up and he tensed quickly turning to see who was approaching him from behind ... he was wearing something similar to snowboard goggles with dark tint lenses ... but Sam could see the bright sky blue eyes behind them ... burning eyes ... burning holes inside him. Bee smiled and flipped closed the PDA mobile. Sam's eyes briefly lingered on the Autobot logo that was resting on his pelvic area and he chewed his bottom lip while forcing himself to look somewhere else and not there ... and not there where he fantasized slipping his hand too many times, to touch and feel ... to have and hold.

Bee leaned down to collect various books and papers and Sam didn't realize that he was talking ... no, he didn't even realize that he was talking 'til he felt the Autobot's eyes stare demandingly at him, waiting for an answer and he blushed as his melting ice was slowly dripping out from his closed fist ... as cold drops were hitting his feet and grass and the air was so thick and heavy that you could almost cut it in that torrid afternoon.

"What?" he found the force to ask.

"I was asking if you wanted me to go and get you something ... something like a popsicle," he repeated while pushing the snowboard goggles up on his forehead.

"I ... I was just eating some ice," he babbled like an idiot and really he was an idiot he quickly thought lowering his gaze down toward his open palm where a few almost melted ice cubes were sitting.

Bee chuckled and grabbed one of them, for a long moment he stared at it like he was studying the transparent cold object but ... but Sam was really burning thinking what he could really do to Bee with that little, almost gone ice cube ... yeah, he had few really erotic ideas of what to do and, fuck! He was totally blushing while trying to shush his thoughts.

"What ... eh, what were you doing?" he forced himself to ask when he obviously wanted to escape into his bedroom and whine and pant while masturbating that, no ... no, it was unfair and he wanted him. He wanted Bee in a dirty, oh so dirty, way.

"Nah, nothing special. Just checking a few parameters with this little toy that Prime gave me," he answered hurling the mobile into the back seat of the Camaro.

Sam nodded and, to his surprise, he found himself catching Bee's thick wrist to prevent him from taking off the snowboard goggles ... shit! He blamed himself while hastily taking away his hand as Bee was now watching him with a strange look.

"I ... I'll go watch some TV, eheh," Sam grinned like an idiot before just turning and speeding inside his house with his fingers still burning ... still intensely burning from the little contact that he had with his car ... with his Bee ... his.

Bee scratched the long scar that he had on his throat, a reminder of a far away war that he fought ... a reminder of what little he was able to do when Sam met him for the first time ... only chasing songs and trying to mix them together and get something understandable for Sam ... he followed Sam for a moment with his glacial eyes before just heading inside Sam's house.

Mojo barked happily at him and he threw him a little pink ball that the Chihuahua chased. "Sam?" he called his human.

"What?" Sam jumped startled by his presence ... why ... fucking why could he no longer stand to have his guardian in the same room as he was ... why and when did everything became so complicated and totally strange to him that he would feel so uncertain and awkward in front of him ... it was still his Bee, it was still his old friend even if in another form, even if not a robot or a car ... he was still him but ... but at the same time he was different, he was now something more ... Sam had given him a different shape, a different meaning to what he was representing, to what he was to him ... yes, he was still his Bee, his crazy stalking Camaro, but now ... now he was also the one that he loved. He was the man that was able to drive him crazy giving him a sense of loneliness as deep like an empty house in the middle of a dry desert ... home of lost wayfarers.

Bee kneeled in front of him. "What's the matter boy?" he asked and, oh fuck, why was he standing so close ... so, oh so, divinely close that Sam could feel the strange heat that he was emanating and his eyes were like something glacial ... oh so glacial, that they could so easily tear him apart ... that they could cool down his high and burning desires ... sidereal being he was but at the same time so dangerous and toxic like the humid and heavy air of that summery afternoon.

"Nothing," he babbled as he was feeling limp and as if there wasn't any escape ... when had the living room become so little he wondered silently.

"Ok, do you want to go out for a ride?" Bee asked turning for a moment to see what Sam was watching on TV and fuck! Fuck, Sam thought finding himself staring at the perfectly shaped and strongly defined jaw with light blond, almost silve,r stubble that Sam knew would scratch him so perfectly.

"No ... thanks," Sam replied hinting a smile. "I just want to stay here and watch the TV."

"Ok, Sam," Bee nodded rising up from his kneeling position and freeing Sam from his much too embarrassing presence, "then I'll watch the TV with you."

Sam tensed not daring to turn and look at the man that a moment later slumped down into the couch beside him. Bee leaned forward to catch his t-shirt and he quickly let it slide over his exposed skin. "I like cartoons," he pointed out while watching Sam nervously flip through many channels.

"I ... I just want to listen some music," Sam told him turning toward him and he noticed how Bee's antennae were lowered back and Sam knew that this meant only one thing ... Bee was calm and relaxed because Sam was near him, under his watch, and no bad Decepticon would be able to touch his human.

"Cool," Bee smiled all taken in watching the music video. "There's this new great song where the singer does fantastic things and -"

"Bee!" Sam found himself yelling and he made Bee abruptly shush ... the only word that Sam thought was, fuck!

Bee didn't say a word as he got up and Sam would have loved so much to slap himself ... so many thoughts where swirling inside his head and he only found a bit of voice to call him.

Bee, who was now walking toward the glass door, turned and his arctic eyes glared at him. "I wish you would tell me why lately you seem so annoyed by my presence," he coldly told him before stepping outside leaving Sam standing there with a crappy pop music video singing about love playing on TV.

Sam spent almost a hour under the shower leaning against the tile while thinking that Bee was right ... that he was driving him crazy with his stupid behaviour but Bee was massacring him because, no matter what, he wanted him so badly, he wanted him ... he wanted to know the last thing, the last secret ... the last little fragment that he was missing ... how Bee could be his lover, what Bee would be like as his lover, what it would be like to have him over his body ... what it would be like to have sex with him ... with Bee.

Later he watched from his bedroom window as Bee sat on the hood of his Camaro as if in meditation ... obviously recharging his system and sharing his essence with what he truly was hiding under the hood of that racing car ... his true nature ... his true being, a robot ... a giant alien robot that had choice but to disguise himself as a car and then, lately, as a man to protect him ... to avoid any Decepticon coming closer.

It was dark outside and there was no moon but Sam could see his Bee ... crossed legs and those strange snowboard goggles hiding his eyes, his antennae were raised up as the neighbourhood was asleep like Sam should be by now ... but he couldn't sleep. He just wanted to stay there and watch his Autobot ... then suddenly Bee shook his head and antennae as well like something was disturbing him ... an interference slitting his meditation and Sam jumped when Bee raised his gaze toward his window ... and suddenly the air was like electricity and Sam jumped back like shot and ... and ... and Bee was a pure unfathomable mask as his lenses shined from what they where hiding underneath, pure glowing arctic eyes that were now fixed on Sam's window.

Sam jumped into his bed and his heart was racing and he didn't know why ... sometimes he had spied on what his Camaro was doing when he couldn't sleep or believe that his garage was hiding a powerful alien ... a robot that was only his but ... but this time it was different, fuck! Lately it was different and he had interrupted Bee's meditation ... he had yelled at him ... he ... he was unable to say more, to ask for more ... love me as I love you.

And Sam ... no, Sam wasn't so surprised when his bedroom door opened and he felt Bee step inside and then close it softly behind his back ... he just remained in his bed listening at the light buzz of Bee's antennae lowering down almost inside the shell of the headphones ... a reflexive act that he did once he had Sam under his control far away from any danger situation.

"I ... I didn't mean to distract you from your meditation," he found himself babbling not really knowing what to say but Bee remained in silence and Sam remained still waiting to see what Bee would say or do ... but nothing happened and for a long moment he wondered if Bee really was inside his bedroom so he found a bit of courage and he turned toward him ... and there he was standing looking down at him and Sam could see his eyes glowing in the darkness behind the thick lenses of the snowboard goggles.

"And ... and when I thought I had learnt everything about you ... you come and astonish me with something unexpected," finally Bee whispered shaking his head like he was defeated. "You make me wonder what you truly want from me."

Sam chewed his bottom lip. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be ... instead tell me what my position in your life is," he breathed but Sam remained in silence. "I'm not as uncatchable ... as you believe," he barely told him lowering his gaze.

A tiny cricket was singing outside hiding somewhere in a bush and the air was still humid but not so sticky and impossible to breathe ... and tonight ... tonight it was like the night was waiting for something to happen ... and the silence was quietly waiting and listening, almost a real presence, as far away someone was running free toward a far away beach ... a far away forgotten paradise ... and his fingers where warm as he pulled away the thin sheet and then his t - shirt that he let fall on the floor and, no ... no, there was no room for hesitation ... there was no room for fear he was only driven by something unknown that maybe was there but he'd never let himself listen to it carefully ... no, he never stepped inside these strange waters and, yes, with Mikaela it was easy and fast he came on her dress and she just smiled at him but, no ... no, he couldn't say that it was so intense and left something inside him... it was just pure heat that he needed to push out ... instead ... instead now it was totally different. He wanted more ... he wanted more than to just orgasm and get rid of it.

And so ... so he didn't even hesitate when he pulled down his boxers, as Bee was quickly recording every little thing that was happening ... quickly studying what his human was doing ... his parameters and reactions. Sam's shivering fingers reached for the snowboard goggles pulling them up and Bee's intense sky blue eyes shimmered in front of him, a reminder of what Bee's true nature was ... not of this world.

"I know that I'm about to do a stupid thing," Sam breathed softly looking at him intently, Bee's stubble tingling his fingers as he was caressing the strong jaw.

"Let's make a mistake together," Bee softly replied making Sam chuckle lightly and then ... and then finally, oh so finally, Bee captured his lips in an intense kiss that was needy and Sam opened his mouth wider to receive more ... to let Bee push himself more ... because it wasn't enough and Bee wasn't sidereal like Sam had thought him to be ... he wasn't cold as a snake ... as those silver stars from where he came ... it was pure liquid fire ... something still human but at the same time he was able to escape any human explanation.

Sam moaned and he pulled away the snowboard goggles that fell at the end of the bed and he heard Bee's antennae rising up slowly from where they were hiding ... Bee spent long minutes just licking and lightly biting Sam's lips in a way that was so erotic and so intimate while his fingers ... his fingers were mapping his entire body ... every little part, as his lips and sophisticated system was doing ... he was slowly studying his human from an entirely different side that was now revealed to him ... Sam closed his eyes and sighed in pure ecstasy as his Autobot kissed his way down passing over his jaw, throat and then chest and ... and Sam opened his thighs more to make room for Bee's strong body and he was really grateful of the fact that his parents were visiting a far away sister of his mom's ... yeah, he was so fucking grateful that Bee had chosen to interrupt his meditation and come here to talk with Sam ... he was grateful to Prime that he had chosen him above the others to guard him ... he was grateful for the fact that his Autobot didn't jump with surprise when Sam had started to undress.

"You are still uncatchable ... for me," Sam whispered panting softly as Bee was torturing his nipples.

"Tonight you'll finally catch me," Bee replied raising his glowing glacial eyes toward his human.

And Sam, no ... Sam wondered how many times had Bee checked porn sites because where the fuck else could he have learned to lick him just there ... in a sinful way that surely he shouldn't know ... and there was no shame ... no, there was no shame to spread his legs more and let Bee lick and push his tongue further into his tight heat that was so hungry for something more ... and he cried out closing his eyes tight when Bee's fingers pushed inside ... and it was ... and it was like cold rain on hot skin that was burning ... and it was like he could finally feel something and he pulled Bee up hooking his legs around his waist to keep him there ... over him, so close and kissing him, devouring him like he had dreamed so many nights ... and no, he wasn't out of his mind with the desire to just have sex with a robot ... Bee, for him, was more then a mere machine ... cold and metallic, good only for protecting and fighting ... Bee was more ... something that he wanted to touch ... to understand.

Bee wasn't gentle and sugary when he pushed inside him ... Sam thought that he was burning ... that his system was almost on the edge of overload and bursting ... or maybe he was curious ... burning and by now addicted to what they were doing ... but Sam didn't really care because he really didn't want to hear Bee say stupid things like, I'll be careful and gentle ... he just wanted his true essence and they were both thirsty to know each other in a sinful way ... and, yes, it was like tearing away the sacred bay crown that Bee was wearing ... and it was like tearing away any stupid prize and medal that he had won during many battles ... and it was like climbing every fucking step and reaching him ... him enveloped in all his glory and tearing everything apart ... seeing what was behind ... behind every little scar that his body showed proudly ... tracing them with his fingers and licking the bitterness away ... and bringing out of him what he truly he is ... something that not even Prime ever saw.

"Fuck me ... fuck me," Sam moaned his nails digging into Bee's shoulder blades and suddenly outside it was raining hard and the driving rain was washing everything ... and Sam cried out with each push ... and the pain was confused with pleasure in a blurry dance ... and Bee was whispering something in his own language ... in a needy voice so deep and, yes, it was like rain cleaning up everything and Sam didn't know if he was crying or if it was simply sweat ... or if rain was falling over there and ... and he didn't care because he could see more behind those sky blue eyes, he could see so much more ... and it was like salt on an open wound that made him burn and cry.

Bee ... then Bee just went still and it was like a hiss inside his head ... it was like watching a wide white screen ... and Bee's system received a powerful electric discharge and he slammed his hands down onto the mattress while riding his orgasm, filling Sam up... and for Sam it was enough ... it was enough to set him off ... and entwine his existence with Bee's coming hard ... spurting cum between them.

They didn't really know for how many seconds ... maybe minutes they had been out of the world ... the only thing that Sam knew was that when he reopened his eyes it was morning and Bee was sitting at the end of the bed, legs crossed, and playing with Prime's pda mobile wearing only a pair of sweatpants ... outside the sun was shining and Bee yawned shaking his head and antennae as well while continuing to play.

Sam remained in silence for a few minutes, just drinking in the sight of what he had in front of him, then Bee turned toward him and he flashed a big smile. "So did you catch me?" he asked quietly amused.

Sam shook his head and chuckled. "Hmmm, I don't know ... why don't we give it another try and see if I really can catch you?" he replied and Bee could only grin and nod.


End file.
